Who Am I?

I am a PICU nurse. What exactly does that mean?  The meaning is very different for each individual. For myself, it means that I am part of the best and worst moments.  I am offered a unique glimpse into the relationships between parents, children, and spouses during what may be the most trying times in their lives.  I am part of some very good deaths and some very poor deaths.  At times, I am also placed in ethical situations that I may not agree with and cross lines that, legally toe the line but morally leap right over it.  

My job is part of who I am and this is something that I am very proud of.  It has taken me a long time to get here and develop into the professional I am today and I am not done with my journey.  Some people, my mother included, may say that I am too clinical and cold.  Yes, at times, I do have to shut my emotions off. When you are doing chest compressions on a 6 year old, you cannot let your emotions flood in.  You have to focus on the task of saving your patient’s life because THAT is what matters, not how you feel about it.  You can decide how you feel about it later, once you have stabilized your patient and gone home for the day.  Have I always been this person?  Absolutely not.  Will I always be this person?  Perhaps, but that is for me to decide.  How did I become this person?  Keep reading and I will share my tale.